For Her
by AliyahNCIS
Summary: What comes after goodbye?


_A/N: Very sorry for the delay on MIT guys. I was away for the weekend and this week hasn't cooperated too well as far as posting goes. And I'm having some detail issues with another chapter, so I need time to work that out. This story was a surprise. It literally grabbed me out of nowhere and I wrote most of it in three hours of just trying to get it out of my head. Thank God for inspiration, otherwise this wouldn't have happened at all. I had no intentions of writing an episode tag._

_Because of how unexpected it was, I give you song inspirations for the first time. I was listening to Holding On and Letting Go by Ross Copperman, which is a perfect Tiva song. And, I Only Want You - Ruston Kelly, is my new second favourite song for them. They came off the promos and were very aptly picked, in my opinion. That being said, I'm still busy being devastated and deeply disappointed and a whole lot of other un-fun emotions about Ziva's last episode. This is my answer to the heartbreak, because I just couldn't leave it at that. I hope you enjoy. Thank you for your patience. ~Aliyah_

It had been almost eighteen months to the day since he kissed her at an Israeli airport and refused to say goodbye. His 'I Will' list was now crinkled and worn from being pulled out, scribbled on or scratched out so many times. More than once he'd crumpled it up and tossed it in the small waste basket across the livingroom, but he always got up and took it back, smoothing out the paper to try again. Hers had five items, his now claimed six, though very few would do him any good while he was still alone.

Losing Ziva forced him to grow up. Oh, he still cracked jokes and made movie references and found a hundred more McNames every time McGee hoped he'd run out. But now he took more time away from the job to live his life, because that was number one. He joined a weekly sports team to play basketball, football, and baseball with a group of guys every Sunday afternoon depending on the season. He volunteered at a local community center to coach middle school boys' basketball, and instead of watching his favourite teams play alone in his apartment, now he would occasionally watch them with McGee.

Tony also bought a gym membership and started seeing a personal trainer three times a week, early in the morning before work or late at night afterwards, fulfilling the one that talked about getting in shape. And in memory of his best friend, he began jogging her old route Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday mornings. On Saturday afternoons he read, every book he could ever recall Ziva mentioning and a few he bought just because he liked the look of them.

Lastly, and quite significantly, was saving money. Every penny that wasn't going to rent, utilities, food, and gas was put in a high interest savings account and left to accumulate. Tony traded expensive suits and ties and designer shoes for a much more practical and cost effective wardrobe of jeans, casual dress shirts, and good quality running shoes for suspects who didn't know the meaning of the word 'stop'. He stopped eating out, only drank now and then, and added a movie to his collection solely when it was one he couldn't live without.

The changes began all in a rush the moment he landed back on US soil, as if he had some invisible deadline to meet. But slowly, slowly they became routine, then habits, and eventually things he even enjoyed. Without his partner though, Tony found it hard to be truly happy. He wondered, worried, and thought about her more than was probably healthy. He kept flashing back to those precious moments alone in the grove of trees, so close to her, cherishing every breath they breathed together. And before that, when he'd found her, and for one week they'd known what it was to find themselves in each other. That wholeness of heart was something he'd lost when he walked away from her at night, and Tony wasn't sure that space would ever be filled. And no matter how much it hurt to be without her, he didn't want to forget.

In the bullpen he took over Ziva's desk and prevailed upon Gibbs to change the order so the new girl sat where McGee used to and Tony could face an old friend instead of the person who'd taken his partner's place. He worked as Gibbs' partner now when it was called for, while the new girl (whose name he didn't care to learn or use) teamed up with Tim. And so it continued for a month, four months, eight months, a year and then halfway to two. But on a Saturday in March everything changed.

**NCIS**

He was lounging on his couch reading William Faulkner's _The Sound and The Fury _when his cellphone lit up with a number he didn't recognize. "This is Tony," he answered, off duty for the weekend.

"Hello Tony," a soft voice replied, the same one he so often heard in his dreams.

He sat bolt upright, knocking his book to the floor. "Ziva," he breathed, "where are you?" He'd sent letters every month to the house where she was born, but after three they all started coming back stamped 'Return to Sender'.

She smiled slightly. "I am watching the sun set behind the orange trees. It is quite lovely."

His shoulders sagged. For one foolish second he'd hoped that she was here, perhaps outside the building or waiting at his door. "You're still in Israel." Her accent was more prominent now, after months and months in her homeland, probably only speaking English on a rare occasion.

Ziva wasn't quick to fill the line with words. "I have been many places trying to...wipe the slate clean, and start a new book in my life."

_Chapter_, he wanted to correct, but couldn't bear to waste any of these moments. Then again, she might be right and it was a whole different book entirely. "And did you?"

She wound the cord around her fingers. "I think I have, yes." She let out a breath and her gaze fell on the picture of them he'd sent in his first letter, snapped at a bar on his cellphone the year before she left. "Letting go of my past, of my choices and their consequences, has not been easy. But I can breathe now, for the first time since I was a child." She paused a moment as the colours in the sky faded to dusk. "There is a peace in my heart I have never known before. And that is a good thing."

Tony swallowed and braved the question he might only get one chance to ask. "Is there still room in there for me?"

"Tony," she said his name with such fondness it made his throat close, "you have been in my heart every day."

He had to cough a little to clear the emotion before he could speak. "And would you, Miss David, consider letting me be in your life as well?"

Tears pricked her eyes and she pressed two fingers over her mouth, struggling to get control but then remembering that she'd promised on her list to be more open and vulnerable with those she loved. "I have wanted to hear your voice for so long. A thousand times I've picked up the phone and dialed your number, but I could not go through with it."

"Why not?" he pushed, desperate for a way in.

"Because...because if you asked me to come home again I would not have the strength to say no. And I do not think I can be there, even for the people I love."

His response was immediate. "I'll come to you."

She sighed. "You cannot. Your life is there, you must stay. And my peace if here, for now, even if this is not home anymore."

Tony shook his head. "How can you not understand after everything we've shared? I love you Ziva David. My life will be wherever you are, wherever we can be together, if you'll let it." He reached into his back pocket. "You want to know what the last thing on my list is?" He unfolded the paper and slowly read the words. "I will give it all up...for her."

He swore he could almost hear the tears that rolled down her cheeks at his confession, or maybe he only imagined the sound of a sleeve wiping them away. "Why...say it now?"

Tony knew what she meant. "Because sometimes you don't know how much someone means to you until they're gone. I knew exactly what I was walking away from that night, but I didn't think you'd let me stay. Beside," he gave her a half-grin she couldn't see, "you said it first."

The silence that dragged out was nearly intolerable and he felt the knot in his stomach tighten the longer she said nothing. "I don't know what to do," Ziva admitted so quietly he could barely hear. "There are seven hours and six thousand miles between us. We have always been out of reach."

Tony got up to pace and at the window slid his fingers over pristine white piano keys. "We don't have to be. Just hear me out for a minute, okay?" He rubbed his forehead. "I've been saving money since I came back and I have a lot of comp time I can cash in. There's enough for a down payment and I found...I found a place in Virginia. Out in the country, with a barn and horses. The house needs a lot of work but it's something we could do together. There's wide open space and enough distance from DC that you could still find that peace, and close enough to see our friends." He rushed ahead without giving her time to answer. "If you say no that's okay, I'll come to you. I'm forty-five years old Ziva and I've had my time to play the hero. All I want is you. Please say yes."

Ziva clutched the phone tighter. "You have no idea how much I want to."

"Why don't you?" He would do anything she asked.

She sighed. "This was my home Tony. Perhaps it will be again. I am...tired of giving things up."

Tony was on his computer as she talked and clicked a button to confirm. "I'm getting on a plane in one hour. I'm coming to you. Then you can say no to my face or let your eyes tell me the truth, because I know you don't mean what you just said."

She shifted on the couch. "No, do not come, please." He could get through her barriers faster than anyone else and she wasn't ready to see him, not yet.

"I wasn't asking your permission." His tone was harsh but he was done playing games. "I'll be there by 1100 tomorrow."

"Maybe I will not be here." It was a weak excuse, her defenses crumbling in the face of his persistence.

"I'll find you," he promised, "if it takes the rest of my life. I won't lose you again."

"You never had me," she protested.

"But it's time Ziva. After almost ten years and something always getting in the way we need to take this chance."

Ziva closed her eyes and knew that he was right. "Okay," she whispered. "Okay."

"Count to a million," the words rushed out in relief. "I'm on my way."

**NCIS**

Fourteen hours had never seemed so long. Tony packed the essentials, called Gibbs to request a week off (of course the man would be at the office on a Saturday), and prepared to leave everything he knew behind, if that's what it took. He was at her door by one o'clock the next afternoon and his heart hammered as he knocked and waited. It swung open slowly to reveal a woman he now knew he could no longer live without. Her hair was longer and a bit lighter from so much time spent in the sun, her smile came easier, and the hard edge she'd always carried seemed to have disappeared. The change was especially noticeable in her eyes, where for the first time he couldn't find a hint of the burdens or shadows that had haunted her gaze for far too long.

Forcing himself to be still when he wanted to take her in his arms and never let go, Tony grinned. "Hey."

The softness of her expression as she took him in gave him hope. "Hi."

Dropping his bags on the porch, he held out his wrist for her to see. "Made good use of your gift." He'd had her small Star of David pendant set in a sterling silver ID bracelet, worn every day of their time apart. "It helped me keep you close." Her fingers slid reverently over the smooth metal and Tony opened his other hand, letting a fine chain fall to dangle from his fingers. "I thought it was only fair that I returned the gesture." Ziva's lips parted in a soundless gasp at the little diamond encrusted, heart shaped pendant and touched it delicately, her brow furrowed in confusion. He took a breath.

"This is my heart Zi, it's yours now. Promise me you'll take good care of it." He clasped the chain around her neck without letting her say a word, and gently pulled her hair free before dropping to one knee. "Whatever we have left of this life, I want to spend it with you. Wherever we go, whatever we do, I want to be by your side. We can live in Israel, DC, or the North Pole, as long as we're together that's all that matters." He pulled a size five diamond ring out of his pocket. "Ziva David, will you marry me?"

Her hands covered her mouth as she stared at him, then the ring, then back at him. Finally she brought him to his feet and her fingers caressed his cheeks like they had before, her brown eyes melting into his and their foreheads coming to rest together. "Yes," she whispered. "I love you and I will marry you. I will make my home with you, wherever that is."

Tony barely had to move at all to bring their lips together, kissing her for the first time in over a year. And it was beautiful, like before. They kissed like best friends, like lovers though they'd never been, and he couldn't get enough. He slid his arm around her, supporting her neck with the other hand. How long they stood in the doorway, lips sliding over each other and hearts beating wildly in their chests as flies buzzed in and out he didn't know, but when at last he finally pulled away from her he grinned and held up his pointer finger where her ring now sat.

"Do you believe in soulmates?"

Ziva nodded slowly and took the ring, getting her first good look at it. White gold and subtle, with small square diamonds set very low and an inscription along the outside of the band. She squinted to read the words. _I hold you in my heart_. And inside, his parting gift to her after a loss that shook her soul - _At lo levad_.

"So you never forget," he told her quietly. Her smile trembled as he took her left hand and slid the circle onto her third finger. "Ziva David, I now pronounce us engaged."

The happiness in Ziva's eyes matched his own and she led him inside for the lunch that had grown cold. Nothing else needed to be said as they ate and held hands and he watched Ziva look at her ring every few seconds as if she couldn't quite believe it was really there. She poured them each a cold glass of limonana and they retreated to the loveseat and sat facing each other. Tony reached over to touch the heart pendant that lay on top of her shirt. "I guess now we have to figure out the details."

She played with the chain, looping it around her fingers and letting go. "How long can you stay?"

"I need to leave on Saturday."

Ziva pulled her knees up. "It will be much harder to let you go this time."

He cupped her cheek. "I saw you crying. It wasn't easy last time."

She shook her head. "Whatever we do, I need time to be here."

Tony wasn't sure how much closeness she could handle and worked hard to keep his hands to himself. "At least you own this place, that makes it easier. But with no job...are you okay for money?"

Her smile was small. "Yes, I am fine." Where had he heard that before? Seeing his skepticism, she shook her head. "When my...father died, I sold the house and land. There were other...assets as well." One shoulder shrugged. "I never have to work again, but I think I will want to, someday."

"I'm glad you have some freedom in that area finally." He rubbed his thumb over her ring. "When? Where? Please say soon."

Ziva ran slender fingers through her wavy hair. "I would like to get married here and tell..." she almost said the team but that had been forever changed "...our friends when we get back."

He nodded. He'd had a feeling she'd want it to happen in Israel. Tony lifted her hand and brushed his lips over the back of her fingers, a gesture mirroring his last time here, and Ziva had to struggled not to cry, the emotion raw in her heart from what he'd asked her then. "When might that be?"

Her gaze drifted around the room. "In a few months, maybe. I am not ready to go yet."

Tony understood that too. She was trying to leave a lifetime of darkness behind, and the innocence captured within these walls made her feel like the light might be within reach. "Will you marry me before I go back?" As if that would make it any easier to walk away.

She blinked back moisture and bit her lip. "I do not think so. That is too fast." Amusement entered her eyes. "Do you realize we have never even dated, and now we are engaged?"

"Who knows you better than me?" he asked, searching her heart.

"No one," Ziva answered honestly. "And there is no one I trust more unless it is Gibbs."

"You know me too. You've always been the one person I let close. Did you ever call him?"

She nodded slowly. "Once, two days after you left." Her fingernails suddenly became fascinating. "He said he understood why I could not come back and gave his blessing for whatever I needed to do. Gibbs told me I will always have a home in DC, that...he would miss me, that the team would never been the same." She closed her eyes. "Then he said 'I love you' and that was the end. And I felt as if I'd lost everything."

Tony couldn't handle seeing her cry and caught the drips on his fingers. "You never lost me."

"Making you go was...one of the hardest things I ever did. I hope you did not think that was what I wanted."

The corners of his lips curved up. "Remember when I told you once that your eyes never shut up?" She nodded. "The hardest thing I ever did was walk away when all I could see was them screaming at me to stay." He tipped her chin up. "Don't ever make me do that again Ziva."

Sadness tinged her words. "Then I would never let you go. But Saturday will be here far too soon and we will face another goodbye."

"Uh-uh. We never said goodbye. Never before and we won't say it now. For you and me Zi, the only words to use are 'I love you' and 'see you soon'."

She made herself be brave and her palm found his cheek. "I like those words much better."

Though he was pretty drained, Tony stayed up the rest of the day to adjust to the time change. They did dishes, worked in the garden together, and spent the evening poring over old photo albums and scrapbooks so Tony could learn about her life. Dinner was cooked side by side as she taught him about the dishes native to her country and he walked her to her bedroom door later, holding her hand while he kissed her goodnight. He kept her close, finding difficulty in letting her go, and leaned in to whisper 'I love you' in her ear. Then he went to his own room down the hall. It was the best sleep he'd had in five hundred and forty-nine days.

**NCIS**

Ziva woke him early the next morning to tell him she was going for a run, and as Tony didn't like the idea of being without her he offered to come. She was glad for his company and surprised by how well he kept up. While they stretched in the shade from a large acacia tree, Ziva studied him carefully. "You have lost weight."

Tony linked his fingers behind his back. "Thirty pounds so far. Getting in shape was on my list."

She walked over and patted his abs. "And I am the one who will benefit." He made a move to grab and kiss her right there, but Ziva wrinkled her nose and pushed him away, saying they both needed to shower before getting that close. But once they were clean it was a joy to kiss her good morning and give her a taste of how their days would start for the next fifty years.

For a whole week they relaxed - they spent time in the house and walking through the trees, she took him swimming and wandering and showed him all her favourite places from when she was small. They ate and talked and laughed and played and kissed. Kisses in the morning and at night. Kisses as they were making lunch and out in the afternoon sun. Kisses before bed and to say hello and every time the words 'I love you 'crossed their lips. But the hardest part of all was kissing her before he left.

There were tears in her eyes as he pulled away a final time and Tony was glad, for once, that she didn't let them fall, because that would've been more than he was able to do, walking away from her like that again. He did his best to sleep on the plane so he wouldn't have to think of the hollow inside that Ziva had filled for the last week, but finally being able to call her his was a huge motivator back in DC. He worked hard and carefully on the job, knowing she needed him to come back. He exercised hard and played hard so that sleep would come easily and keep the memories at bay. They talked every other night, occasionally watched a movie long distance, and three weeks later he used another week of vacation time to fly to Israel and see the woman he loved.

She wasn't in the house he now had a key for, but he didn't have to look far to find her standing over the hole they'd dug where her list was buried. As much as he longed to truly surprise her, Mossad ingrained reflexes motivated him to warn her first. When she turned at his voice her face lit up so beautifully, reminding him why she was named for brilliance. Seven days went by so fast and Tony couldn't hold her tight enough when he had to go. "I love you Ziva," he whispered fiercely, "promise me it won't always be like this."

She nodded against his chest. "Not always, I promise."

But it still killed him to let her go. May was the same, putting in his best effort all month so he could spend the days between the last Sunday and Saturday with her. On Monday when he woke up in his temporary bed, Ziva was laying beside him, head propped on her hand, watching him sleep. He blinked to clear his vision and smiled. "This is nice."

The love in her gaze nearly overwhelmed him. "Would you like to marry me today?"

His jaw dropped. "Really?"

Her eyes sparkled. "Yes. It is all arranged."

Tony jumped out of bed. "Then what are we waiting for?!" Ziva laughed and let him swing her around in his arms, capping off with a deep, joyful kiss that didn't last because they were smiling too hard for it to work.

It happened under the olive tree in her backyard with Ziva wearing a white dress and flowers in her hair, and Tony in a white linen shirt and pants. They poured our their hearts to one another, exchanged unique gold bands, and Ziva even taught him how to say the vows in Hebrew. He couldn't think of a happier moment than when the rabbi pronounced them husband and wife, and Tony had to shake out his hands a few times before he could legibly sign the paperwork and ketubah. Then they were left alone with five and a half days to savour the change.

They took three days of that time to go to the coast, renting a small cottage for what Tony called their 'mini honeymoon', promising her a proper one later. But their very first day together was spent in what had been Ziva's room and now belonged to both of them. They had very little motivation to get out of bed for the rest of the week except for eating and showering, and when Saturday came Tony knew he hadn't spent near enough time in her arms or sliding his hands across her skin or kissing her all over and finding the sensitive places that made her shiver under his touch. He had to leave without waking her up, his parting words scrawled on a piece of paper and left on his pillow. If Ziva had even looked at him once he never would've made his plane, and he needed to stay on his boss's good side if he was going to continue what he'd been doing.

Ziva cried when she woke up and found her husband gone, the bed void of his warmth and presence. She'd gotten so used to having him there beside her and a Tony shaped hole opened in her heart without him. She didn't wash the sheets for three weeks because his scent that clung to them and his pillow were all she had to hold onto. Being at home when she was there alone was gradually beginning to lose its appeal.

**NCIS**

Abby was the first to notice his ring when he went down to the lab for DNA results on their latest body. She interrupted herself mid-spiel to stare and point and gasp at the gold band on his left hand. "What is that?"

He twisted it around. "A ring."

Her eyes narrowed. "Is it a wedding ring?" she demanded.

Tony sighed and took out his phone to find the picture snapped after they said their vows. Abby stared at it, then looked to him and the ring. "You married Ziva?"

His brow furrowed. "What did you expect? Where'd you think I've been going all this time?"

Abby shrugged. "Gibbs wouldn't tell us. He threatened us both within an inch of our jobs if McGee and I tried to hack into anything and find out. I mean, we figured you had a girlfriend or maybe your dad was sick or something, but..." she trailed off and traced Ziva's smiling face. "Where is she?"

"Israel." The word was heavy on his heart. He hated the distance between them.

Confusion took over her features. "She's not coming back?"

He retrieved his phone and fought the urge to press his lips to the screen. Missing her was an ache that never went away. "Not yet. She promised me someday, but not to DC. Ziva doesn't want this life to suck her in again."

"Or us either." Abby was hurt. "We love her."

"She knows that Abs. But she needs this time away. She needs to be strong enough to come home and not become the soldier again, the agent." His grip tightened. "She's letting go of the badge. It's time for her to follow her heart."

"She's had a year to do that!" Abby protested.

He paced away from the girl he considered his sister. "I know! But I'm not going to force her to do anything! She's had enough of that in her life." Tony blew out a breath. "Ziva deserves...to be happy. And I will go wherever it takes for her to find that."

Suddenly tackled by a breath stealing hug, he stumbled back, arms coming around to hold her. "I know, I'm sorry. I can't even imagine how hard it is to be apart."

Tony needed that hug more than he needed anything else except his partner and wife. He held on long after Abby would've willingly let go, but she didn't. He wanted to cry that night coming home to a lonely, cold apartment. Even his goldfish was ignoring him, having been abandoned far too often in the last few months to waste even a flick of her golden tail on him. He fell onto the couch and was suddenly glad he'd gotten a new one. It was comfortable enough, and he couldn't face a bed again if he had to sleep in it without her.

**NCIS**

She called him in the middle of that month and tearfully told him to put a down payment on the property in Virginia. She wasn't ready yet, but she was trying so hard to get there, to get back to him. Ziva gave him access to her accounts and told him to take whatever he needed, because the place was going to be theirs and she wanted to help. He gave notice on his apartment the next day and started packing boxes in every spare minute he could find. He drove out to the farm to talk to the owner again and take real tour this time. The man was in his sixties and had lost his wife a few years prior. The horses had been her love, so they came with the farm. He wasn't prepared to handle them on his own anymore. With one look at the kitchen Tony knew Ziva would love it, big with plenty of counter space and every appliance she could ever want. Four bedrooms, two bathrooms, an open concept eating and living area - everything about it was perfect. And the ranch style house, though old and in need of repair, had a charm and character that drew him and he knew it wouldn't take long to feel like home.

The deal closed two days before he flew back to Israel and Tony was able to present his bride with two shiny new keys on a keyring with a small Eiffel Tower ornament and one shaped like an olive branch. "Because we'll always have Paris and Israel and this," he showed her his miniature American flag, "so we know where to call home."

Ziva pulled him in the house and kissed him with enough passion to drive any other thought from his mind. For the rest of that day and part of the next their world existed solely in each other, with nothing else to interrupt. She wrapped herself around him so tightly when they parted that Tony worried something was wrong and tried to make her look at him. But she just shook her head and tucked it into the crook of his neck, pressing against him as if she was trying to melt right into his body. So Tony held her, confused and a bit apprehensive, until long after she'd fallen asleep. Ziva woke him with a kiss later, just because she could, and whispered how much she'd missed him, how she sometimes feared this was all a dream, and about the uneasiness inside that wondered if she could still be a different person away from this place she'd made her haven.

In between kisses he told her how much he believed in her, how much he loved her, and reminded her of his long ago promise to change with her and be whatever she needed. "I will quit NCIS if you need me to," he whispered into her hair. "As long as you're with me, it doesn't matter what my job title is. But no matter what, I won't let you do this alone Ziva. Never again."

She cried and clung to him and then wiped her tears and became again the sweet, soft-spoken woman who'd called him in March as she made love to him slowly, trying to capture every second in her memory of their time together. Because Saturday always came and she never knew how he'd leave. She was afraid to go to sleep when the weekend arrived, afraid to find a note on his pillow and face another twenty-one days without the man she loved. But Tony didn't let go until their time was short, then he made breakfast and they shared an omelette, never more than a handful of inches away at any time.

"This isn't easy," he murmured, closing his eyes and enveloping her in his arms. "Don't ever think this is easy."

There were no tears this time, nothing but a depth of love swimming in her gaze that he knew he could never deserve. She kissed him gently and let him go, standing at the doorway to watch as he walked away for what would not be the last time. Ziva learned to be without him that month, learned to survive on just the memory of their love and the knowledge that he was out there, missing her as much as she missed him but still going on with his life.

He sent her pictures when he moved in a couple weeks later, and promised everything but the basic necessities would stay in boxes until she joined him, so they could really make it their house together. Tony started staying up a little bit later so he could call in time to wake her up, knowing that she preferred to rise with the sun and go for a run before it got too warm. She looked forward to those morning calls more than anything and in her heart she knew her time in Israel was drawing to a close.

**NCIS**

When he came in July he told her he was running out of stored up vacation time and that he could only come twice more before there was nothing left. He'd had a month stored up from before, all the time allowed to be carried from year to year, and earned a day and a half every month to be used, but this was his fifth trip and time was dwindling fast. That more than anything made Ziva's decision for her and as soon as he went back to DC she began the process for closing up her house and setting up a way to take care of necessary bills while she was gone.

She felt bad about him making the long trip twice in a row, but assumed the surprise would be worth it. She was sitting on her suitcase on the porch when he drove up and she could see the curiosity in his expression before he even got out of the car. "Are we headed somewhere?"

"Yes," Ziva said simply. "We are going home."

He stopped mid-step and had to ask her to repeat herself. "That's what I thought you said," he told her huskily, "but I was afraid I might be dreaming."

She leaned into him, her fingers reaching up to curl around his collar. "No my love, it is time." She would tell him later that the things she wanted close by the most had been shipped days ago and should arrive early next week at their new home, but right now all she wanted to do was kiss and laugh and watch the joy bloom on his face. She would never forget the way he looked in that moment.

Far too many hours later and even in the midst of a jetlag induced haze, he insisted on carrying her across the threshold of the house they could finally call their own. Pictures had not done it justice and Ziva walked slowly around and through every room, memorizing what it felt like to be home. Tony trailed her steps like a little puppy dog and she knew he was still wondering if this was real, if she was finally here with him instead of thousands of miles away as she had been for almost two years. He led her to the doorway of the room they'd chosen to be theirs and apologized.

"I know the double bed from my apartment is a bit small, but I didn't want to go mattress shopping without you."

She walked over and sat down on the end. "It is a little late to be thinking I have cooties now DiNozzo." His brow furrowed, slow on the uptake with as messed up as his body felt from all the time changes. Ziva shrugged. "Why else would you want to be further away from me?"

He blinked and she wanted to laugh at his confusion. "That's...not what I meant."

She returned to him and slid her arms over his shoulders. "Then I do not see the reason for a bigger bed. I have spent five months wanting to be closer to you, I am not going to ask for extra space between us now."

The poor man was so tired his lips connected with her chin instead of her mouth and Ziva shook her head, ridding him of his clothes and pushing him gently into bed. Then she undressed herself and curled up by his side thinking that this was what it felt like to start over.

**NCIS**

It was the nearly the next afternoon before Tony could fully rouse himself and he blinked up at the ceiling, reveling in how good it felt to finally sleep in a bed again. Then he looked to the side and saw Ziva smiling at him, one hand tucked under her head, and he knew mornings would never get better than this. He slid his fingers into her hair and shifted closer to kiss her slowly, sweetly, and reassure himself that this wasn't a dream. "Want to see the rest of your home Mrs..." He trailed off, looking at her in question.

She examined the rings that bound her to him for several seconds, then gave her consent. "You may call me that."

"...Mrs. DiNozzo?" She'd have to think of a way to wipe that smile off his face later, but right now she wouldn't do anything to dampen his happiness.

"Are you going to show me?"

Tony grinned. "I've been waiting two months to give you a personal tour."

"Then yes." It was the end of August, a beautiful warm sunny day, and Tony intertwined their fingers as he led her out of the house.

"I think this will be your favourite part." They walked down the lane to the modest sized barn and he took her inside to introduce her to their new pets. A beautiful brown and white pinto mare stuck her head over the stall door to greet them. "Ziva, this is Angel. I think she'll be yours." Next door, with a tack room in between them, a handsome dark chestnut with a black mane pawed his stall door and snorted. "And this impatient fellow is Ash. He's a bit full of himself, but I think this time he's just showing off for a pretty girl."

She approached Angel first, slowly and let the mare get her scent, then brushed her hand in long strokes over the horse's neck, murmuring in Hebrew. Then she gave her attention to Ash, who calmed down immediately at her touch and pushed his nose into her shirt. Tony laughed. "Nice try hotshot, but she's mine."

That was only the beginning and they spent hours wandering over the property and taking it all in. For the most part Tony had kept his exploration close to the house, but now he delighted in discovering the natural beauty of the land they owned. It was a long, wonderful day and the only thing that made it better was knowing they still had five full days left before he was expected to show up at work. And he planned to take full advantage of her undivided attention. For the first time a Saturday wouldn't mean goodbye.

**NCIS**

Ziva stuck to her decision and did not go back to DC. She made a routine of grocery shopping and bookstore visits, training at the gym and finding a new route to run all within the small community where they now found themselves living. The team was welcome to visit, though she preferred to refer to them as 'our friends', not needing the reminder of the loss her choice had forced upon them, and she apologized for turning down any offers from them to come to dinner or over for drinks, but she hoped they understood.

Gibbs came often and helped her groom the horses, then the two would go riding all over their ten acre property, through the woods and down to the stream and eventually back up to the knoll behind the house where he could see them from the window. Sometimes Tony thought they didn't talk at all, they just enjoyed spending time together and making up for all that had been lost. Abby would fly in like a whirlwind with arms full of grocery bags and McGee tagging along behind, promising to whip them up some good old fashioned Southern comfort food and chattering a mile a minute about anything and everything. Ducky was more of an occasional visitor, and he liked to sit down at the table with her after he'd brewed a just right pot of tea, and they'd talk or he'd tell stories for hours. They didn't need to have a purpose, he only wanted to cherish the freedom of having her close, and no one ever called the forty-five minute drive they had to make to see her a chore.

But so many other times it was just Tony and Ziva in their home. Summer bled into fall and they replaced boards in the front porch, made the rickety railing much more sturdy, and spent hours and hours putting a new coat of paint on the whole place. Gibbs made her window boxes and Ziva chose the flowers she'd plant in the spring, lining them up on the kitchen counter and matching all the brightest colours together. They paced out a spot for a garden and Tony took his time making a thigh high picket fence to go around the area, then he coated it in white and joked about the American dream. But his came with an Israeli accent, curly windblown hair, and a smile that could make him drop everything to sweep her off her feet.

Winter came and Ziva was grateful for the fireplace at the back of their livingroom. Tony made sure to keep a stock of wood in the box beside, she collected piles and piles of books, and spent the cold months huddled under blankets and drawn into new worlds through every language she spoke. Sometime he'd catch her looking with longing out the window and he knew she was thinking of Israel. He had six more days of vacation earned by December and cashed in comp time to take a full two weeks. They spent Christmas in the orange grove, one tree decorated with lights and paper ornaments, and he saw some of the joy come back into her eyes.

Being in America was draining for her, the effort to stay disconnected from her past harder with each month and the visitors who reminded her of everything she'd walked away from. So when the snow began to melt, Tony wasn't surprised the day she looked at him sadly and said she needed to go back. She was losing the peace that had settled inside and she needed to be in her house where the innocence of her childhood was still close enough to touch. He asked her how long and she said a month, maybe two, but promised to be back to stay before it was time to plant. Tony drove her to the airport and watched the plane rise into the sky and all he wanted was to go to a bar and drink himself into oblivion. But that wasn't who he was anymore, he'd worked very hard to make the change and couldn't give it up now.

He didn't hear from her for a week and knew she needed the time to reconnect with the woman she'd found within those walls. He saw her twice in sixty days, for ninety-six hours each visit and knew then what it had been like for her to watch him walk out the door. In May she returned with a darker tan and a special glow about her. But when she kissed him Tony didn't question it and welcome home had rarely been so sweet. For their first anniversary the gift she presented him with was a skinny white stick with a single plus sign in the center, and as soon as he worked out what it was he whooped so loudly she was sure he'd scare the horses and twirled her around the kitchen with the widest grin she'd ever seen.

Ziva was sick for fifteen weeks of her pregnancy, the first ten of which had been spent in Israel, certain she had caught a vicious stomach bug of some sort. Little did she know... But after that the glow returned, she was able to eat again and keep meals down and every day brought some new development or discovery. She told him everything their baby was doing, how much he or she was growing and changing, and what they were to expect when they came. But Tony never expected the surge of pride he'd feel over watching her body slowly swell with their child inside her. He pampered her as much as he could, did anything she asked, and tried his best to survive not only the increased hormones that had her craving his presence in their bed morning, noon, and night some days, but also the cleaning and rearranging streak that hit in the middle of her seventh month as the nesting instinct took over.

Kalye Isabella was born one day late, three days before Christmas, and was without a doubt the best present either of them had ever imagined. Tony sat by her side in a Virginia hospital room and stared in awe at the tiny squirming bundle in his wife's arms. "Zi," he breathed, "she's gorgeous."

She lifted the baby up a little. "Would you like to meet your daddy Kalye?" She tried to offer him the little girl but he held out his hands and backed up, pure fear in his eyes.

"I can't. What if I break her?"

Ziva shook her head slowly. "Tony, I trust you more than that."

Swallowing hard, he drew close again and slowly took the baby in his arms. "Oh my gosh...you're so little. And perfect. And light." Tears gathered with a speed unheard of as he leaned down to press his lips to her forehead. "Hi sweetheart, I'm your daddy."

That was all it took to start Ziva's tears and he sat next to her again, alternately kissing her and staring at his daughter, awe and wonder mingled in his expression. Nothing had ever been so precious.

**NCIS**

Kalye was two months old when Ziva's longing for Israel again began to consume her, but this time Tony put his foot down, stating she could not take his baby so far away from him for so long. That began the first real fight of their marriage. It lasted two whole days and culminated with a meeting in Vance's office with him and Gibbs as Tony began to lay out plans for taking a year long leave of absence and then finding out his options for doing six month rotations between a Middle East NCIS base and the DC field office. That was the beginning of a change.

He and Ziva left a few weeks later to take Kalye to Israel and while they were there sat down to really talk about what this was going to mean for them. Eventually the couple came to a decision of spending winter in Israel and the other half of the year in Virginia, at least until Ziva could settle within herself how to live the life she'd chosen. Their tiny little baby was five years old and Tony fluent in Hebrew and Arabic before she finally decided to stay at the farm with him. Not to say that she wouldn't still go back for a month here and there, sometimes with her family and sometimes by herself, but she was ready for her life to be in one place.

When Kayle started school so did Ziva, and she spent a couple years taking courses both at a local college and online until she qualified for her teaching degree in literature and languages. By the time Kayle got to high school Ziva had found a full-time position in a college English department and discovered that sharing her love of literature with others also brought joy and fulfillment to her own heart. And her summers were free, as well as the break at Christmas, for her to fly with Tony and Kalye or by herself to Israel, to her first house, to the place her innocence began and the place she could always go to get it back.

Tony took early retirement at fifty-five, the same year he came into an unexpected amount of money when Senior passed away. The money was no substitute for the childhood he should've had, and he would've traded every cent for the chance to have a real relationship with his father, but it also gave him the freedom to spend time at home with his family. He cooked and cleaned and played Mr. Mom to Kalye when Ziva was on her Israeli sabbaticals. He learned to work with his hands, repairing fences and keeping the house in good shape, but also building his daughter a treehouse, making her a swingset, and fashioning a little cart Angel could pull behind her when she and the blue eyed mini-Ziva went on adventures around the property, best friends since she first learned to walk.

Their lists remained a part of their journey and every so often were pulled out and read over to see how far they'd come, and on occasion even added to. Some of the answers came in unexpected ways. Kalye became a ballerina. Ziva got her horse. Tony took her to Ireland for their second honeymoon and they stayed in an old castle that had been converted to a high-class hotel.

They had traveled - Ziva on her own as she searched for ways to unravel past mistakes, Tony on his quest to make a life with the woman he had spent too many years loving in secret. He made a life for himself outside of the job and the library at the house were full of books not only hers but his as well. Tony stayed in shape, wanting to be healthy, to have as many years as he could with his family. They bought their house.

Ziva let go of the badge and never looked back, no matter how hard it was to cut all those ties. She allowed herself to be vulnerable - with him, with her daughter, with their friends. The masks she'd lived behind for thirty years had been buried in Israel, and there they stayed. It took most of her life for Ziva to learn to forgive herself for what she became, for not walking away from her father's world even though the choice had never seemed so clear. And she found her something permanent, a home for always in Tony's heart.

It was a good life. A full life. A life that fifteen years ago he hadn't been able to imagine or hope for. But sitting on the couch at night with his arms around wife and daughter and the latest classic playing on TV, Tony knew he would never have any reason to regret the day he decided to give it all up...for her.


End file.
